"In the facades we put on for others we demonstrate our potential; through our children we reveal our reality."
- Lawrence Kelemen, To Kindle A Soul
Here is something that will shock a lot of you. I have worked in various roles and programs within the child welfare system for most of my career and I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't work and won't work. Well, that part isn't new for I have felt that way for at least 10 years (I've been in human services for 23+ years). What is new is what happened to me recently at a cocktail party I attended.
There is nothing worse than telling folks you just met that you're a psychologist. The reaction is always fumbled or negative. My favorite was the "lady" who responded, "Don't you get tired of hearing people's problems?" My somewhat witty response was, "No, do you (as a trial lawyer) ever get tired of going to court?" Geeze, I think I knew about that part when I entered the grad program.
The second worse has to be whenever I say that I work with at-risk or foster kids. All of a sudden, everyone is an expert (like everyone is a teacher because they went to school). At this most recent incident, the line from a "gentleman" who stated with much certainty, "All those kids need is some love." Unfortunately, I hadn't had enough glasses of wine and this wasn't the environment in which wit was called for (being it was a "work related event"), so I smiled and said nothing. But I wish I'd said, "Can you get a Ph.D. in that?"
Frankly folks, the damage done to a child who is (finally) removed from his/her parent's home is not going to be washed away once they get into a home of someone who will love them. The amount, length of time, and sort of abuse and neglect experienced by most foster kids is much more extensive than most folks appreciate and requires the intervention of not only loving foster parents but trained foster parents and professionals~and honey, that costs money. Now for the radical part----people say that all these kids need is love (sometimes they say "discipline" too) because love is cheap. Throw in a few dollars for clothes, room/board, public medical care, as well as a couple extra presents for Christmas (donated by some local church, of course) and a mentor or special education class or two to cover our collective guilt and BOW, problem is solved.
Wrong.
(next time, Part II: "These Statistics Don't Lie")
No comments:
Post a Comment