The wondering Jew

I went to a conference today on working with folk who have what is now being called "co-occurring disorders" or "complex clients". It just means working with real people who come with a laundry list of problems of which they only want you to deal with one or two. The workshops were fabulous but the keynote speaker during the lunch was inappropriate. The gentleman had a compelling story of the hardships he faced on his long and winding road to recovery but did I need to hear about while I was eating? And did he need to give it in such detail as to trigger anguish by members of the audience who themselves are abuse survivors? Lastly, why do we rely on the tear jerker to get people to care? Maybe I'm jaded but I don't need to cry in order to care. I walked out uninspired and feeling defeated. There was little detail about what the person who "saved him" did that worked and besides the help providers who were obviously abusive the speaker offered nothing about what else was done wrong or not quite right or how it should have been better or different. The one person who did help sounded like such a superperson that I doubt anyone could or should met the expectations. I found myself within that "supertherapist" only I used to do it with 40 clients at any given time. Yet, as I listened to his story, my own story as that help care provider ran through my mind...that while I was off going above and beyond as normal practice, my own family was falling apart. If being supertherapist means I cannot be supermom/wife/partner, then I am happy to give my doctorate back to that expensive graduate school that gave it to me. I have always said, "you birth 'em, you raise 'em" and that holds for me too. Is there a healthy balance? Maybe but not according to this speaker and that is a disservice to the helping professionals who care but do need to go home and cook dinner for their husband or pick a kid up from soccer practice.